I may have let you win

I may have allowed you in

But in the most vulnerable moment at bay

I keep my ship sailing away

The waves won't force me to settle again

The past has taught me not to let you in

This ship would rather sink than quit

For you, for you, for you, for me.

Trying to shake it but I gotta make it

It's often pretty confusing when you confront yourself with the question of "what is it that you really want to accomplish next year?" Being just 20 years old, I mostly find myself at a loss for words. I mean, what is it that I actually do want to do? Right now I'm in the process of figuring out what career path will be the right one for me. At first I thought it would be broadcasting, then I thought well maybe I'll do acting. But, now I'm at the I want to be a lawyer stage of life. Funny, as it may be- I think that one is sticking. But I need ways to supplement my income on another level- maybe I can take a crocheting class and make scarfs, hats, gloves, ect. or maybe I could learn to paint. Yeah, yeah I'll add some of those "artsy" classes to my schedule next year. Hopefully I'll enjoy them..

A scoop of something-interestingly-flavored to sweeten that awful taste in my mouth.

And it's the holidays again. What a coincidence! I really wasn't expecting it this year, not with Obama being president and all. Aren't holidays just a time for the uber wealthy to flaunt their monetary achievements by buying everyone around them expensive gifts while making everyone else around them look cheap with our $20 spending caps? There, there now lassie. Don't talk about that during the holidays. The holidays are some sacred shrine that no one is supposed to bring up when speaking about politics. But really, with all the welfare we throw around and all the pity parties going on all year long- wouldn't you think that CNN and MSNBC would love to get their hands dirty by preaching that christmas is just a corporate holiday that negatively impacts the middle man? Isn't it just a terrible holiday tradition to have parents giving their children gifts. Especially those wealthy parents, they just try so hard to get their kids the most expensive, absurd things. And you know just what their kids do don't you? They bring those gifts to school and actually make use of them! How cruel, those rich people sure know what they're doing... what with trying to make humble kids from hardworking families feel inferior! REALLY. Bring it on! Come on all. If we're suggesting that we need to raise taxes for the wealthy even more, why don't we consider forcing the wealthy to even buy gifts for the less fortunate kids? Specifically, make the wealthy of our country be forced to buy every kid that comes a welfare family a present. Wouldn't that be just the greatest? But no, those damn liberals. Won't bring up any logical ideas to the table. "Raise taxes" is safe I guess.

My holiday season is just like any other one of my last holiday seasons. Eat a lot, eat some, and eat so much I can't hold it down. I mean, in the end I can hold it down- but once it's in there.. damn, i don't think it's staying. Thank god it does. But the fighting within my family is insane, by any means whatsoever it is beyond my understanding. I cannot even BEGIN to fathom why people would want to hold their debates during this time of year? I mean come on, sure we all have our issues that we hold deep inside of ourselves all throughout the year, but it's almost as if christmas time is the perfect climax moment to just start pouring out all your pain and sorrow. Yeah, that would work- if it was a movie. But sadly, most of our lives are not scripts in hollywood movies. So we must give that up and try to make the best of what we have. And that's family, food and presents. Wonder what I got this year.

to be or not to be

what to say and how to say it?
should the words flow freely like birds in the sky or should i quietly contemplate each syllable until the sentence unwinds like a teardrop from my eyes?
our lives on computer screens,
honest, but blurred.
this form of communication.
so loud... yet, still considered
completely absurd.